Church Bully

I had respectfully declined the offer, but the hot anger in her eyes told me she did not approve. “You don’t care about the young people, no one cares about the young people anymore! I’m the only one who cares about them!”

Her demeanor and searing harsh words said “how DARE YOU say no to a church youth leadership position?! You are SO selfish!” I barely remember how I responded, I was so caught off guard…She later apologized, comparing herself to Martha and myself to Mary, admitting that she needed to be more understanding; but the damage had already been done.

I felt resentment towards her for so callously crossing my emotional boundaries and angry at myself for letting her get away with it, a dilemma I had struggled with so many times before in my life.

Since that experience, it has been very hard for me to become involved in church ministry responsibilities, but it has also helped me to better know my boundaries and stick to them, to watch out for those who have the tendency to control and guilt others for not “doing more for God.”

Sadly, many of us treat others in hurtful ways, thinking we are acting like God or on God’s behalf, but we are so wrong.

Why do I share this story?

Because I’m so glad God doesn’t treat me in this way. He will not treat you this way because:

God gives us freedom to choose and respects our decision:

Joshua 24:15 - “Choose you this day whom you will serve…”

Deuteronomy 30:15 – “Today I am giving you a choice. You can choose…”

God treats us with patience, tenderness, and love:

2 Peter 3:9 – “The Lord is…longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.”

Exodus 34:6 – “The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth…”

Isaiah 40:11 – "He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those who are with young.”

Nehemiah 9:17 – “But You are God, ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, abundant in kindness…”

God knows our human limitations, cares, and wants to help:

Hebrews 4:15,16 - “Jesus understands our weaknesses…so let us come boldly…receive His mercy…find grace to help us when we need it most.”

Romans 8:26 – “The Spirit helps us in our weakness.”

Isaiah 41:10 – “I will strengthen you, yes I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

God speaks encouragement, not condemnation:

Isaiah 41:10 – “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.”

Isaiah 41:13 – “For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’”

Isaiah 43:1 – “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name.”